


Like You're a God

by Diary



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Awkward Conversations, Bechdel Test Fail, Cancer, Canon Bisexual Character, Canon Gay Character, Disturbing Themes, Established Aaron Dingle/Robert Sugden, Established Relationship, Family, Forgiveness, Friendship/Love, Late Night Conversations, Moving On, Multi, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-04
Updated: 2016-10-04
Packaged: 2018-08-19 11:59:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,469
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8206132
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Diary/pseuds/Diary
Summary: An extremely conversation-heavy, AU look at how the feud between Robert/Aaron and the White family ends. Complete.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I do not own Emmerdale.

Robert sits down on top of the park bench. “Well, I’m a bit concerned I’ve ended up in some other universe, but nevertheless, I’m here.”

Lawrence scoffs. “What’s it going to take to broker peace between you and my daughter?”

“You’re joking, aren’t you? My brother is on the run because of her lies. What, she tell you about Donny and the emails?”

“Yes,” Lawrence answers. “If I get your brother back, will you-”

“Tell me, how exactly do you think-”

“I’m dying, Robert.”

Robert gapes.

“You’ve always seen me clearly, and unfortunately, to the detriment of everyone around me, I didn’t see you clearly. I do, now, and I’m terrified for Chrissie and Lachlan. So, this is all my cards on the table. Tell me your price for you to end the feud with her.”

Sliding down onto the bench, Robert asks, “What do you mean, you’re dying?”

“I mean I’ll soon be dead. If you want to see my medical records, that can be arranged. I’ll do anything to keep her and Lucky out of jail, but I can help get your brother back. I can spin a story to the police to clear him, I can pay for whatever legal fees are needed to fully clear up this mess, and whatever else you want, I’ll do it. Just- This is me begging for her sake and my grandson’s. We’ve all been in the wrong, but the cycle doesn’t have to continue.”

“She’s not some innocent, Lawrence. Her or Lachlan.”

“I acknowledge that,” Lawrence says. “And we can go around and around with whose sins are greater, who should have or shouldn’t have done what, until I’m dead, but it’d be pointless. Please, just tell me your price. All I care about is leaving them safe.”

“They’re not even yours,” Robert says. “If you’re serious, then, put all your cards on the table. Vic heard an interesting conversation. I used to think you had some bad luck and adjusted as best you could, but no, this Harold bloke well and truly made you _weak_ , Lawrence. You never even touched your wife, did you? And when she brought in a bastard child, you accepted it, and when that bastard child brought in her own, you did it again. Tell me, did Chrissie being a girl make it easier, or did it make the sting worse?”

Clenching his fists, Lawrences takes several deep breathes before unclenching them. “You don’t get to play that card. Not for my pride, not for your non-existent decency, but because, here you are, trying everything you can to get your adoptive brother back. Right now, I imagine you’d do anything to protect little Olivia Flaherty, too.”

“Furthermore, yes, I am weak. But Harold didn’t make me that, and no, my marriage, my daughter, and my grandson aren’t proof of it. What was done to me in prison- it more than my attraction to men made me unable to ever touch anyone, but I truly loved Ellen with all my heart. And when she told me she was pregnant, when I’d lay there at night feeling Chrissie kick inside her, when I held that tiny, chubby-cheeked, bright-eyed little girl in my arms and carefully cut her cord, I found the strength to be the man I wanted and needed to be.”

“It was the same with Lucky. I’d sit with Chrissie and feel him kick. Unlike that worthless Donny, I was there to hold him and cut the cord when he was born. After having a girl, having a boy was different but exciting. Neither was more preferable.”

Looking over, he takes in Robert’s face. “Cards all on the table. I’m dead serious.”

Robert flinches. “Poor choice of words.”

Lawrence shrugs. “Is it?”

“I want to see the medical records.”

…

At the scrapyard, Robert tells Aaron.

“Do you think he’s serious?”

“I dunno,” Robert answers. “We’ll soon find out. If he is, though-” He pauses.

Aaron glares. “This is seriously a question?”

“What?”

“I can understand you doing everything to get Andy cleared, but if Lawrence is willing to help with that, and you’re trying to find some way to keep the feud going-”

“I’m not,” Robert quickly says.

“I lost my dog and, eventually, Jackson over the fact I did someone wrong and refused out of- I don’t even know, but I could have stopped things, made them right, and I didn’t. Andy shouldn’t be on the run because of everything that’s gone on with him and Chrissie and Chrissie and us, but if you can get him back and still decide to keep this up, then, pack your stuff and go back to Vic’s, mate. No way am I going to keep risking Liv getting involved or hurt or ending up massively messing up her own life by not backing down when she should against someone there’s a problem with.”

Robert sighs. “Is this- is this how it’s always going to be? You threatening to kick me out or leave or end things when I fall short?”

Aaron rubs his temples. “No. Look- this is about me, Robert.”

Moving closer, Robert puts a hand on his shoulder. “Tell me, then. Please, Aaron.”

“All this, part of it’s been fun. Exciting. And I tell myself it’s only right that you help your brother and that Chrissie is a stupid cow who deserves it along with her moppet son, but- getting excited about bringing someone down, having fun in planning it, that’s something the old me did. And I don’t have any love lost for Chrissie, but there was a time I felt guilty. Because, we did do her wrong, Robert, and so did Andy. That doesn’t make what she did right, but well, it’s easy to forget, innit?”

Pulling him up, Robert hugs him. “Okay,” he quietly says. “I’ll try my best to get this ended. Then, it’ll just be me, you, and Liv, yeah? That’s all we’ll need to focus on, us and her.”

“Okay,” Aaron agrees.

Moving back slightly, Robert touches his face. “Hey.” When Aaron looks at him, he says, “All your mistakes, they don’t stop you from being a good man. And I’m working on getting there, too.”

Aaron starts to say something, but Robert stops him with a slow, deep kiss.

“I love you,” Robert breathes out when it ends.

Aaron pulls him back into a hug.

…

Scanning the documents, Robert sighs. “So, you aren’t literally at death’s door. Okay, I was thinking-”

“I’m not seeking treatment,” Lawrence interrupts. “I will be dead in about six months. A year, at the most, I’m told. Take that in consideration when you name your price.”

“Not seeking- What game are you playing, Lawrence?”

“None,” Lawrence answers. “Cards all on the table, remember?”

“You get cancer, one of the more treatable types, it’s caught in the early stages, and you aren’t going to seek treatment. What am I supposed to think here?”

“Frankly, I don’t care. My wife and father both died from it. Cervical for her, and liver for him. Hers was relatively peaceful, at least. His- you want to talk about a weak man, that’s what he was reduced to. All I want is to be able to spend some happy times with my daughter and grandson and leave being certain they’re safe.”

“Do they know?”

“Not yet. If I have to, I’ll use this to get them to cooperate.”

“Aaron doesn’t want this feud to continue, either,” Robert quietly says. “It’s not good for him, and he’s- we both want the best for Liv. So, why don’t you tell them, and then, you and Chrissie can meet us? No Lachlan, no Liv.”

“No. Whatever you want- my daughter isn’t going to pay for this. She’s not some innocent victim, but you and your brother both hurt her irrevocably. If you want to hurt, humiliate, make someone grovel, take out your anger, whatever, I’m here.”

“Oh, yes, that all sounds good, doesn’t it, the martyr suffering for his family, but tell me, where’s my guarantee that she or Lachlan won’t start something after you’re gone? Because, if she does, I won’t hesitate a second to go after her stronger, faster, and more vicious than ever.”

Lawrence takes a deep breath.

“You and her, me and Aaron, no Liv or Lachlan,” Robert repeats. “We’ll talk. There’ll probably be some screaming before we all walk away, but hopefully, it’ll end with my brother coming home and you subjecting your precious Chrissie and Lucky to you choosing to die instead of fighting for them. So much for them making you strong, huh, Lawrence?”

“Very well. When and where?”

…

The four meet, and Chrissie ends up running off in tears.

…

“Right,” Robert says. “I reckon we have about ten minutes. Now, granted I don’t know exactly how colds and the like work, but,” he strips off his jacket, “I do know it’s in both of our best interests that Lawrence say as healthy as possible for right now. So, don’t argue, just take this, and don’t push me into the pond.”

Chrissie slips the jacket on, and he sits down beside her.

Setting a packet of tissues in her lap, he takes a breath. “If it matters, I’m not gay. I remember the first day Lawrence brought you around, you had on a blue jumper with jeans and your hair all done up on top of your head, and when you looked me in the eye with your bright, sparkling ones and smiled that soft, sweet, fun smile- I meant what I said. I couldn’t believe Lawrence could have helped make such a beautiful daughter. Then, we got to talking, and I thought, ‘Please, don’t let me screw this up. I think this one just might be the one.’”

“Yeah, well, I wasn’t,” she says through a sniffle. “Worse, though, I remember who I was back then. It wasn’t this- person. This vindictive-”

“I know,” he says. “I haven’t let myself think on it, but I know. All four of us have lost ourselves at some point, Chrissie. You and I will never be mates, and the truth is, there’s so much stuff, mostly on my part, that means we’ll never even just get along, but this is me being completely sincere: You can find your way back. It’ll always hurt a bit, but the sort of person you were, you can find your way back, and you’ll be stronger for it. When the sadness hits, it’ll linger and go deep, but when you’re happy- you might be surprised at how sharp it cuts through everything, how fresh it feels, and how deep down it can go.”

Blowing her nose and wiping her eyes, she quietly says, “You shouldn’t have said what you did at my trial. You didn’t break me, and neither did Andy. I broke myself, and if you’d let me go down for it- Maybe, I could have still been the woman my father and mother raised me to be. I can’t, now. But that’s not your fault, either. I just need to say it aloud: I did this, not you, not him.”

“I won’t argue, but I will have my say: No one is ever completely responsible for themselves breaking. Me and him both definitely played a part.” He sighs. “Believe it or don’t, and deal with this however you see fit. What’s important to me right now is getting Andy back and focusing on my relationship with Aaron.”

“Chrissie!”

Lawrence and Aaron appear, and before anyone can stop him, Lawrence has tossed Robert’s jacket back and wrapped his own coat around Chrissie.

…

Robert paces. “I can’t believe it. All this, and he decides to stay in flaming Australia. And I’m the one who’s going to have to deal with Bernice, aren’t I? But yeah, the next time something goes wrong, it’ll go back to my supposed lack of brotherly loyalty!”

“Well-” Aaron starts.

Robert stops. “Really?”

Shrugging, Aaron sits up fully, reaches over, and tugs him towards the bed. “Right, well, it’s done, innit? Go on, tell me the plan for Lawrence, it’ll make ya feel better.”

“Lawrence? There’s no plan for Lawrence. I told ya, once Andy was back, or in this case, free to come back if he ever decides to, it’d be the end of-”

“Of course, there’s a plan for Lawrence,” Aaron interjects. Pushing Robert down on to his back, Aaron props himself on his elbow. “I’m not sure I don’t believe there won’t be something else when it comes to Chrissie somewhere down the line, but you- something. You aren’t going to let ‘im go off and die without a proper fight, and I can’t really say anything against that, can I? I don’t particularly want him to die, either.”

“I- all my plans are rubbish,” Robert admits. “Why can’t I just be happy about this?”

“I dunno, you’ve actually made progress at being a better guy?” Aaron settles down on his side. “Or because, even when you hated him, you never fully did. You can’t help but respect him or summat, and you want him to respect ya back. He can’t very well do that if he’s dead, can he? Don’t worry, you’ll soon come up with a _legal_ , non-rubbish plan that won’t escalate things.”

“Suppose so,” Robert agrees. Reaching over, he rolls Aaron onto his back and props himself up. “You know what would really make me feel better? If I kissed you, and that escalated to-”

Pulling him down, Aaron kisses him.

…

The smell of food fills Home Farm, and Lawrence comes down asking, “Chrissie?”

He pauses when he sees Robert and Chrissie sitting together.

She’s immediately up. “Dad, did we wake you? I’ll get you some breakfast. I know you’ll be angry, but I had to call Ronnie. Please, Lucky isn’t here, but don’t-”

Gently gripping her arms and holding her in place, he says, “Of course, I’m not angry, sweetheart. Sit down. I don’t know what _he’s_ doing here, but he’s just leaving. Right now.”

“A walk sounds good,” Robert agrees. “Want to grab something before we go, though? Chrissie’ll tell you that I haven’t poisoned it. Not only did she watch me prepare it, she’s seen me have a couple of bites of everything.”

She winces. “Dad-”

“You made breakfast,” Lawrence flatly states.

“Against her protests, I promise,” Robert says. “I came over to see you, but Chrissie here insisted you needed all the sleep you could get. I couldn’t let her starve on while I was around, could I, there’d go our truce before the week was even up.”

“Angel, I’ll be back soon,” Lawrence tells Chrissie with a kiss on the head. Glaring, he reaches over and drags Robert by the arm. “My daughter is capable of feeding herself.”

“Yeah, well, I was going to let her fix microwave meals for her and Lachlan, but I realised how bored I’d be if I just sat around waiting for you. She gave him money to buy some at school, but she refused to leave you alone, and she almost killed me with a dishtowel when I offered to stick around while she went out.”

“I can’t imagine why,” is the sarcastic response.

“I can’t, either,” Robert cheerfully replies. “So, it seems they’re taking this pretty well, all things considered.”

“Just tell me what you want, Robert.”

Going over to the fence, Robert raises himself up and sets on it. “I have the gist of it. You don’t like me and think all sorts about me. But you’ve never fully let loose. Well, if you’re going to die, soon, do us both a favour and get all out.”

Lawrence scoffs.

Dangling his feet, Robert says, “I’m serious. You know I prefer knowing where exactly I stand with people.”

“So that you can manipulate their thoughts and feelings as necessary.”

“That was the old me.”

“No,” Lawrence says, “it wasn’t. You’re a sociopath, Robert.”

“When we first came here and you hurled those accusations at me, you were only a little wrong. I didn’t think you were gay, and I honestly wasn’t hoping for a chance with you. In truth, I wasn’t sure what to think. But yes, a good looking, intelligent young man who laughed at my jokes, who seemed to genuinely value my opinions, who occasionally did nice things for no discernible reason- I liked having you around. I’d hoped we could become genuine friends.”

“Then,” he sighs, “Chrissie came around, and I saw how exactly and expertly you’d been manipulating me, and I could have handled that. There’s no doubt your skillset was doing wonders for the company. But I didn’t want my daughter with someone who could and routinely did manipulate other's emotions so easily.”

“Sometimes, I regret bringing us here, but I know, down to my bones, even if I hadn’t, you still would have ended up destroying my family. Breaking us.”

Lawrence turns to stare. “There hasn’t been a relationship you’ve ever had where you haven’t cheated, and yes, I’m including Aaron. He wanted exclusivity, and you were with my daughter. Someday soon, it’ll be him you’re running around on.”

“No, I won’t. I love-”

“Never mind that many people are in relationships with people they don’t love or aren’t in love with, and they manage to refrain from cheating. Common decency rather than being in love is what stops normal, decent people. They either stay until they fall in love, or they exercise their right to leave. But never mind that.”

“Apparently, you once loved Katie. The fact you cheated on her after you cheated with her- well, that pales into comparison to the fact you laid your hands on her, pushed her onto the ground, and as a result, she fell to her death. I genuinely fear for Liv Flaherty. The child you’d currently do anything to protect, she’s growing into a strong, independent, young woman, and from what I’ve seen, she loves her big brother deeply. What’s going to happen when she starts a ‘crusade’ against you by figuring out you’re running around on him and tries to do something about it?”

“Apparently, you loved my daughter, and when your wife-beating brother cheated on her and she mentally unravelled and lashed out, you utterly turned on her.”

“You cheat, you lie, you even go so far as to cause the death of anyone who tries to bring you down. You’ll never change. A person who’s made bad choices and is genuinely repentant, they can, but a sociopath can’t. It’s just who and what they are. You don’t love Aaron, your sister, your brother, or anyone else, and you never will. And pity for them that they’ll love you, regardless.”

“So, what do you want, Robert? Of course, I’m going to try everything in my power to ensure that, once I’m dead, Chrissie and Lachlan are far away from here and never cross paths with you again, but I have to accept that I’ll die fearing nothing will be enough. At least, I’ll be able to truthfully say that I tried everything.”

“Everything except seek treatment,” Robert supplies.

“It’s better for them,” Lawrence quietly says. “I saw my father weakened and reduced to- I watched him die. Chrissie saw her mum suffering. Thank God she wasn’t in hospital with us the afternoon it happened. I’m going to prepare them, and then, I’m going to have a quiet, painless, dignified death.”

“You can’t bloody prepare your daughter and your sixteen-year-old grandson for the fact you’re going to go off one night and commit suicide!”

“First, I’d never be foolish enough to admit to planning suicide to you, of all people. Second, I’m hoping that when my death comes, it’ll be when I’m watching the sunrise, not set. Just because I won’t be going on, life itself will. Millions, if not billions of people, will have a happy, joy-filled day. New opportunities and advancements will happen. Chrissie and Lachlan will have a day ahead of them, I’ll know that for sure.”

“That’s not morbid at all.”

“I don’t find it to be, no,” Lawrence replies.

“Fair enough. Is that all?”

“Yes, that’s all.”

Hopping down, Robert says, “I’ll be back tomorrow morning.”

“Why,” is Lawrence’s groaning response.

“I have my reasons.”

“I’m sure your boyfriend will be thrilled.”

“Aaron won’t mind. What trouble can I possibly get into around here?”

Lawrence simply looks at him.

“Admittedly, I walked right into that one,” Robert acknowledges. “See you tomorrow, then.”

…

Dangling his feet, Robert says, “Aaron won’t say he loves me. I know he does. He’s said it before. But to be honest, I’m afraid he’ll never say it again.”

“He will, eventually,” Lawrence responds. “Unfortunately. When did he say it first? Last?”

Robert hesitates. “The day I married Chrissie.”

“You have so much power of him. He’s afraid to cede the last of it to you. Admirable but foolish, really. You and I both know what he’s forgotten: Actions are louder. The first time he fell asleep beside you knowing that his mother or his little sister was sleeping in another room, he showed he was willing to accept you having it all.”

“I don’t want power over him.”

“Of course, you do. Everyone likes to throw it in my face that I can’t just accept what I am and try to be happy, but your first interaction with him was you literally blackmailing him. And you liked him even then, but trying to blackmail a straight man into sex, even you wouldn’t be that foolhardy or depraved or, well, even you wouldn’t be that _something_. Then, you found out he was gay, and you wanted each other, but instead of telling my daughter, ‘I’m sorry, but I need to be brave and see if I can be truly happy,’ and, ‘at the very least, I know that I’m not as ready as I thought I was to make a life with you,’ you ran around with him, and I’d be willing to bet he wanted more even then, but you kept him quiet and more-or-less accepting of being your bit on the side.”

“You did get him to keep quiet about Katie. I heard gossip about a burned letter from Gordon Livesy, and I’ll admit I don’t know the full story, but I feel safe in guessing you made a decision pertaining to his father, the monster who hurt him, with little-to-no say from Aaron himself.”

Quietly, Robert asks, “Do you really think I’d hurt Liv or Chas?”

“I know you will. It’s no secret you didn’t want the former around when she first came, and even if you never tried to hurt the latter, you tried to kill Paddy Kirk. You threatened a toddler with Down’s syndrome."

"Actions speak louder,” he repeats. “He accepts that you did this, and he still willingly stays with you.”

“I’ve seen you threaten people,” Robert says.

Lawrence scoffs. “You’re usually better than this. You’ve seen me threaten companies and competitors over business deals. I’ve never threatened their families or their lives.”

“No,” Robert says. “It wasn’t too long ago you were drunkenly waving a shotgun around. You kicked Chrissie and Lachlan, I’d say your own flesh-and-blood, but oh wait, out. That’s part of what started this whole thing. Chrissie found out Andy was playing around, and you, you gave her this golden opportunity to make him pay.”

Reaching over, Lawrence tugs him down. “In the past few years, I’ve done some terrible things. I’ve made some regretful mistakes. But all my sins piled up wouldn’t measure in an inch against yours.”

“I dunno, suicide is still generally considered-”

“I’m not suicidal, I’m dying of an illness.”

“That you’re refusing to even try to treat.” Robert lets out a breath. “Say whatever you want about me, Lawrence. I’ve destroyed people I’ve loved, and the ones I didn’t, I almost did.”

“But, don’t tell me,” Lawrence interjects, “at least, you don’t leave. We both know that’s not quite true, don’t we? After all, you left this place, and you didn’t come back until you were almost literally dragged back.”

“Dad!” Chrissie appears with the landline phone in hand. “Dad, Lachlan’s gotten into some trouble at school.”

“I’ll go with you,” Lawrence says. Putting an arm around her, he starts to lead her away. “What’s happened?”

…

“Robert?” Aaron asks.

Blinking, Robert sits up on the couch. “Hey, what is it?”

“I could ask you the same thing,” Aaron says.

Yawning, Robert says, “Just watching some telly. I couldn’t sleep.”

Muting the TV, Aaron sits down and puts an arm around him, and Robert immediately curls closer to him. “What’s going on?”

“During- the affair, I’ve not told you everything I did. Everything I tried to do. All of the bad.”

“Why am I not surprised? But yeah, I figured. Is something about to come back and bite us, then?”

“No. Well, not you. You might hate me, though.”

“Robert-”

“It’s about Chas.”

“I’m guessing you didn’t succeed. Right?”

“No, I didn’t.”

“Are you ever going to hurt her or try hurting her, again?”

“No, I’ve told you, Aaron, Chas is my family, too, now.”

“Well-” Rubbing his forehead, Aaron makes a grumpy noise. “Look, I do want us to be honest, but let’s just leave it at that, yeah? You went after my mum, along with Paddy and Leo and everyone else you saw as a threat, but because, I know you’re different, now, I don’t need all the details. ‘less something you did is coming back to make us all sorry.”

“I don’t think it is. I promise.”

“What brought all this on? Something to do with Lawrence?”

“Yes and no. I’m not going tomorrow. He’s going to die, Aaron. He hates me too much for me to say anything to sway him, and he knows me too well for me to do anything.”

“Do you think there’s anything you could do to get him to see that you’ve changed?”

“No.” He looks over. “Don’t you need to get up early? Focus on getting some sleep, yeah?”

Groaning, Aaron stands and pulls him along. “Then, let’s get back to bed, and why don’t you try not getting me up, again, until it’s actually time.”

“The TV wasn’t loud enough to wake you,” Robert points out. “If it had been, Chas would have already been down.”

Rolling his eyes, Aaron crawls into bed.

Robert follows suit, reaches over to cup his cheek, and softly kisses him.

When it ends, Aaron rolls onto his side, and Robert turns and settles an arm over him. Mumbling, Aaron nuzzles against his pillow a few times before falling into a steady sleep.

Letting out a sigh, Robert moves a little closer and closes his own eyes.

…

“We’re going to be leaving soon,” Lawrence informs him.

“Good for you. Whether you want to admit it or not, you’ll miss having me around. Right now, I’m the only thing stopping Chrissie and Lachlan from screaming the house down, trying to force you into treatment. They’re hoping I’ll do or say something to cause you to live out of spite. And if I don’t and end up driving you to your grave straight away, at least, they’ll be able to safely kill me.”

“If it weren’t for wanting to hold this tentative peace we’ve all established, I’d tell them about you leaving me to die during my second heart attack.”

Tensing, Robert looks over.

“Yes, Robert, I saw you standing there. To be completely honest, until this moment, I wasn’t quite sure if you really were there or if I was seeing things. Either way, you silently disappearing without ringing an ambulance was no surprise.”

“Yeah, well, I imagine it’s a relief to find out I was real. That means your mind didn’t decide to conjure up the sociopath you despise whilst you were dying. Imagine if you had and I was one of the last images you had.”

Lawrence shudders.

“Well, I won’t ask where you’re going. Does the board of directors know?”

“Not yet. And don’t think you’ll find some way to weasel yourself back in.”

“Things are going really well at the scrapyard, and I still have most of my settlement from the divorce,” Robert says. “I’m just curious.”

“I’m going to push for a straight up sell with a stipulation of a renaming, but if I’m outvoted, I’m going to insist Chrissie and Lucky continue receiving their shares of the profits. Chrissie will keep her minority holding share, but they’ll likely insist Lachlan…”

“You always refused to hear me out on-”

“No matter how good most of your ideas were, _that_ one was straight-out, no bones about it ridiculous.”

“What are you going to do about Mrs Patrice Nelson? Y’know, I never could really understand what the story was there.”

“I imagine she’ll send over a nice plum cake and some coffee lollies. She’s likely tougher than I’ve ever given her credit for. Hopefully, Chrissie will occasionally ring or write her, though.”

“I suppose. Do you remember old Mr Connelly?”

Lawrence groans. “Don’t remind me. If only I could have- but whatever his vile views, he was an old, decrepit man.”

“Yeah, the discomforting thing is, I still think he had a legitimate point about-”

Chrissie comes over. “Dad, it’s getting hot out here, and I’m just about to make sandwiches.” Sighing, she asks, “Would you like one, Robert?”

“Chrissie, we’ve talked about this,” Lawrence scolds. Linking their arms together, he continues, “You don’t need to keep waiting on-”

“You’re sick, Dad, and you still insist on making Lucky and I supper almost every night.”

Inside, Robert starts to follow Chrissie to the kitchen, but she shakes her head. “Keep talking to him. I hate it every second he’s alone.”

“Chrissie!”

Leading Lawrence to the living room, Robert shakes his head and sits down. “Get used to it. You’re hurting her and Lachlan, but they’d be in the wrong if they took out all their anger and pain on you.”

“Speaking of anger and pain, about your continuing-”

“Don’t,” Robert says. He glances towards the kitchen. “She’ll be back, soon. Aaron and I are taking Liv to Dublin next month for her aunt’s birthday.”

“That should be nice.”

Robert makes a grumpy noise.

“Oh? You aren’t excited?”

“No,” is Robert’s short reply.

“Why not?”

Chrissie reappears with two plates and two bottles. “Dad, I’ll be in my office. If you need anything-”

“I’ll be fine, sweetheart.”

Picking up his sandwich, Robert says, “Cheers.”

Nodding, she Lawrence’s forehead and leaves.

Once she’s gone, Lawrence asks, “What do you want, Robert?”

Shaking his head, Robert swallows. “You keep thinking I’m after something else. I’d like you to live, but if you won’t do that for your daughter and grandson, there’s nothing I can say or do to convince you. Otherwise, I want nothing from you or your family.”

“And you expect me to believe that.”

“No, but that’s your problem, innit? Not mine.” He leans back. “Did you ever sleep with Harold or Ronnie or any other man? I don’t mean sex. Did you ever just sleep in the same bed with them?”

Lawrence simply looks at him.

“I’m not sure I ever realised how good it could be until Aaron. But, uh, whether you believe it or not, I do feel bad about what happened to Katie. Maybe not guilty exactly, but sometimes, I remember how she used to burrow her hands under my clothes at night. Even when I just wore pants, I’d wake up to find her hands wrapped around my hips.”

“She was a beautiful, intelligent, kind woman, and she had a strong sense of justice. Before her, I’d never done anything physically violent to a woman. But I pushed her, I saw her lying there dead, and then, I convinced the man who loved me to help cover it up by lying to him, and to top it all off, I married your daughter right in front of him.”

“Chrissie and I never did in front of you, but we’d bicker about me kicking her in my sleep. I guess, if you want, you could stretch it and say Katie wasn’t the first or last I physically hurt, but restless leg syndrome or whatever it is, that actually isn’t my fault. I’m not sure if Aaron minds or not. I’ve always been afraid to ask.”

“Anyway, the first time me and him stayed the night together, I remember trying to deal with how good it felt. That, uh,” he shifts, “that was during the affair, at a hotel. I thought of Chrissie, if that makes it better. If not, I still did.”

“During Gordon’s trial, Aaron and I weren’t exactly a couple. I never touched anyone else, though, partly, because, I didn’t want to, and partly, I made him a promise to wait for him. Just before the verdict, we kissed, and it was- amazing. After that, one night, I ended up in his room, and we just slept. I still remember the feeling of him underneath my arm, how warm it was pressed against him underneath the blankets, the sound of his breathing filling the room, even the smell of him and the fabric softener.”

“So, maybe I’m a sociopath or a psychopath or whatever you want to throw at me, and maybe me and him aren’t going to last- God knows, almost every time I do something he doesn’t like, he’s usually quick to start going on about how maybe it’d best if we weren’t together, and yeah, that’s healthy, isn’t it-, but if you ever just slept with one of them, and it was like that, then, you can’t just dismiss the reality of my feelings for him.”

“I don’t,” Lawrence quietly tells him. “What I am saying is, in the end, however real they are, they won’t matter. You’ll end up destroying him and likely others in the end. I used to think I could go against you. Now, I know better. It scares me how powerful you are. You almost destroyed my daughter. You push a young woman to her death, you try to kill a man, you threaten his developmentally challenged toddler, you leave a man to die, and yet, most of this town has forgiven you.”

“It scares me how weak you are,” Robert counters.

“I’m not going to rise.”

“Unfortunately,” Robert says. “Seriously, though, I left this place when I was young and hoped to never come back. I didn’t destroy Chrissie, but you dying like this might, and you can’t blame me for that. Lachlan’s already so messed up, who knows what this might do to him? I may scare you, I may have hurt you deeply by forcing you to watch all that I did to your family, but this? This is on you, Lawrence. I don’t want you dead. You dying isn’t going to ensure they never come back or I don’t decide to seek them out one day.”

He finishes his sandwich. “Oh, and, you want me to play even dirtier? Anything you did when your wife was pregnant, going out at midnight to get her snacks, rubbing her feet, feeling Chrissie kick, the fact you cut Chrissie’s chord and did three a.m. feedings and cried on her first day of school, none of that matters. There’s no blood connecting you, and you’re telling her that, because of that, you aren’t really her father and Lachlan’s grandfather. Because the Lawrence White she and everyone else knows, that man would go through hell and back for his child and any of their children. But you aren’t willing to fight to stay with them, and so, even if she never says it, she knows she’s not really your daughter.”

“Leave,” Lawrence orders.

“Gladly.”

Putting his plate in the sink, Robert calls, “I’m leaving, Chrissie!”

She comes back in, and he does.

…

There’s a knock on the door, and Aaron opens it to find Chrissie.

Before he can say anything, Liv lets out a sound. “Look, if this is about me nicking Lachlan’s mobile, I swear, Mrs White, I gave it back, unharmed, after he got out of college.” At Aaron and Robert’s looks, she squirms. “By the way, I sort of-”

“No, I’m not here about that,” Chrissie interjects. “I will, however, be asking him about this when I get home. May I come in?”

“Yeah, ‘course,” Aaron says. He moves aside. “Is- does your dad need something?”

She walks over to where Robert’s standing. “Thank you. I don’t know what exactly you said, but after you left- Dad’s going to see a specialist on Saturday.”

Reaching over, he puts a hand on her shoulder. “Lawrence is seeking treatment.”

Wiping at her eyes, she nods. “We had a long talk, and then, when Lachlan got home, we all talked some more. I think he’s finally, truly realised how much Lucky and I still desperately need him. So, thank you.” She reaches up and squeezes his hand.

“Yeah. Of course. Just be strong for him, alright?”

“I will.”

Turning to leave, she looks at Aaron. “Are you and I all right?”

“Yeah,” he answers. “I hope your dad pulls through. Whatever’s happened between all of us, the fact he’s such a great dad to you and always there for your boy- I respect that.”

After she leaves, and Aaron and Robert turn to look at Liv.

“Someone’s been sending Lachlan messages, too,” she says. “Like- like they did with me. I don’t think he knows, though. I only took his phone so, if he checked during lunch or a loo break, well, so he couldn’t. And I downloaded an app where you can block numbers and told it to block every number but the ones in his contacts. Look, I don’t like what he did, either, which you should have told me about at the very beginning,” she says with a glare at Aaron, “but I remember how- no one ever deserves those messages.”

Smiling softly, Aaron hugs her and leans down to kiss her head.

Reaching over, Robert pats her. “Good job.”

“I better call Chrissie,” Aaron says. Robert starts to say something, but Aaron says, “No, I’ll do it. However awkward that might be, this involves her son and my sister. You two- let’s just keep the contact minimal between you for a little longer, yeah?”

“Right.” Getting his mobile out, Robert sits. “But give her some time to get back home and settled, first, eh? Sit down and finish your tea. Liv, do you remember the name of the app you downloaded?”

“It was on this website…”

Aaron sits down, and the three eat and talk.


End file.
